From the Dead End and Beyond



Father


As luck would have it ..history never anticipated the popularity of the digital image and so much of actual records and documents can not not be found via Google or Ask Jeeves  even the Dark Web h as gaps in this regard …So when I innocently typed in “A picture of my dad ” I was pleasantly surprised by the result in the search engine …remarkable in the fact that it was not my father as I still have the faculty of memory but strangely google had selected the closest facismile to father without being in fact him ….So there you have it  he doesnt look like this but this is what the great wide web has decided to record for posterity …I am quite impressed …now back to the packing


The Gust of Wind 


Last Wednesday an awfully strong gust of wind tore most of my clothes off and I found myself in a lesser known storm drain just off the A38 …i have watched numerous documentaries on expeditions into the death zone above 8000 mtrs so I was ill prepared for surviving in a storm drain in Devon …..It took me moments to.gather my thoughts and I began  what was to become a rather underwhelming adventure …my subterranean odyssey. ..came to an abrupt halt an hour later at the loading area of Morrisons transhipping station on the M5 ..I introduced myself as much as one can in such situations ..The staff marvelled at my resilience stuffed me full of pork scratchings and I was home by six …


Mummy dummy


History may or may not revisit the war games of the Situationists or perhaps HG Wells instructions on War gaming  in the suburban parlour…but the fetishism of dressing up dollies  in a desert and dropping a nuclear bomb nearby to record the Affects ??, may need some consideration …”.ah yes they have all been burnt to a cinder let’s see what happened to the little baby dolly in the pram   yep  decimated …what can we surmise from this ????? “The enactment of brutality and mayhem on dummies is less or no less disturbing ..hmmm   ” can someone get the daddy dummy a tie , we are not dropping the bomb til ..and where are mummy dummies arms? …please this is important work !!!”


That Grotty bint 


“That grotty scottish bint !” …. mothers mater was a very vocal misanthrope …larger than life was coined by those that knew her…her dexterity at insulting others was startling and it was rare that one was spared her vitriol …”That scottish bint!” was her retort to being introduced to my girlfriend at my 6th birthday …agapantha was in fact from the suburbs of Dublin but it was not a point worth making …Agapantha  and I have stayed in touch , with the advent of social I am sure will share this story …granny left a legacy of caution and a discipline when attempting to be pass remarkable …”stupid old bag”


Stripes


Is it just one stripe because that’s okay …Lorraine was my first client since I qualified as a beauticians assistant  Martin had asked me to finish off Lorraines eye ….I felt she needed something more and before I knew it  there was a bit much more every where … “Lorraine  I think people’s response will say everything !!” around my feet lay several spent eye liners and my reflection revealed excessive smudging of my temples  ” going to get Martin go through the bill with now  good luck Lorraine “..I s linked to the nearest window and ran as far as my size 15 flip flops could carry me …


The terrible nightmare 


“I keep having this awful nightmare” I explained to the duty officer at the recent “Amnesty for Arsonists” fun day  as part of “Resilience in Policing Britain in the absence of backbone  and bobbies on the beat “..I had attracted to attention of three particular gruesome constables  as I explained with a lilting Irish manner ..my grin was annoying the Sargent who would have much preferred to give me a good kicking and be home in time for Dancing on Ice … “There is a big diesel engine hurtling out of control  flanked on all sides by billowing smoke and long beautiful tresses of crimson and ochre flames .. I can here  the Ring cycle  and if I squint I am sure Zoltan is by mind side …there is nothing I can do I feel helpless  and a tiny bit guilty “…three arms press me to the floor and a harmonised Guilty prompts me to continue …..”Well In my dream I have a funny feeling I might have started the engine  poured petrol everywhere set it alight and jumped off laughing ” …ten arms and a magistrate  are really making me a bit ticklish …”I mean it is only a dream after all ..”….They sigh in relief, pick me up and give  me a pat on the back and laugh nervously ….Thanked them and made my excuses explaining I had to go home to get put of these charred trousers and do something about the awful.smell of petrol …