Category Archives: True love


​RIP JOHNNY NO SLEEVES…Much to everyones delight johnny was found in an abandoned citreon  zantia during routine maintenance of one of the locks of the grand canal .Johnny as you all know fell foul of the notorious Jacnockey sisters and their guile resulting in the now famous incidents of Dolphins Barn in the 1990s The sister ruled a reign of terror in the world of Debt collection and their private live was much the same . I had been adked to deliver a few words on his behalf as he wsd being dropped into the prepared hole that had been dug for him in Mount Jerome Cemetery several years ealier . Carlotta his sister appeared to be the only one genuinely upset by his demise was only later at the afters that this was clarified when she throttled me for turning up to her brother funeral in a matching dress  which seemed to fit me better than hers …Paco her father resued me and suggest I clear off before he pulled off my eyelids with aset of oven gloves …



Sitting in the parlour the forensic  team were sifting through the photographs on the mantlepiece . I reached over  and relieved the inspector of one particular photograph . All eyes watched intently  I smiled and looked as if I was attempting to remember the moments which the image had frozen in time. “Melanoma ” who worked in the local telephone exchange and myself  had extended our vacances for an extra week in Monte Carlo “Excelsior ” and each night I insisted we danced ..The night in question she had falken in a narcoleptic state . I proud and of anglo irish stock, full of hubris, dragged her around the dance for another two hours before making our excuses and retiring ..what the image had not captured was me slinging mel on shoulder and struggling to the lift ..


A blind date


We had  known each other for sometime …I had been invited by my colleagues at work for a meal friends were included ..we had been seated in an ante room  waiting for our table to be made ready ….”So Maurice how did you and Wendy meet ?”…Wendy squeezed my hand …I believe drink may have got the better of me  “Well I was due to be hung for Treason sometime in the late 1800s  Wendy’s face caught my eye when I was being escorted through the baying crowds I was climbing up the gibbet ..I saw her once again …shortly I found the noose was drawing my last breathe and there was Wendy trying to remove my teeth”  Wendy laughed nervously “I thought he was dead !”