Category Archives: catholicism

An Invitation to Dine 


​Invited over to my cannibal next door neighbours …asked them what I should bring ., rather ominous message on my voucemail ” Do not  worry, just youself should be fine !”

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GOOD GOD WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?


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It was but a day before judgement day ..A visitor arrived and asked the Lord just one question “Good Lord God what have you done ?”


The Last Supper


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Mother insisted this would be the last supper.


How big is God ?


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It was not my place but I did have an answer .  I stood  up  smudged eye shadow and a gravelled voice from shouting abuse at the duck in my local park …clearing my throat I waited for the indication to proceed …”I can tell you now  he is bigger than you think ..I once climbed up onto to his arm  and strolled across to his hand and I  say to you there is plenty of room for you all .. wrap up well it can be windy !”


Abraham keeps bad company


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There was a little bit of explaining to do . So you took Isaac out than   a fella with wings appeared  acting behalf of a supreme being asked you to do him a favour .You didn’t ask for a bit more detail .Abraham  we have to talk !!!!!!!  Isaac off to bed we will speak on the morrow  be happy your dad didn’t actually chop.you up into little pieces and stuff you down a well …oh Abraham I am not sure I can cope !!!!


Trouble at the Temple


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It was the day before the Sabbath . A large crowd had gathered outside the Temple , a young man named Jesus  was  speaking to all who would listen . “I am the truth ..The light ..I am eternal Salvation ..I am the son of the almighty” .It was a hot day he paused for breath and mopped his brow ..from within the crowd a small  child walked forward ..And in a strong galilean accent declared “No your not !”


A Shocking Awful Sinner


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An Original Sinner …..living in a world where the more flawed you were the greater there was a chance for salvation, was not without its issue. As a Roman Catholic child we were told in no uncertain terms that we had to be forgiven and without that forgiveness there was no point to any of it …So we were asked to be good ….however then when we were good it meant utter scorn …The mechanism for this confusion came via the act of confession ….as a seven yr old boy I truly believed I was good …but it was frowned by all to be that good …faced with damnation for not sinning and shame upon the family name  for not being a good sinner …I found myself confessing to horrible atrocities in order that I could be contrite and forgiven … seated in the darkness the priest  in laconic mid Atlantic brogue asked if I wanted forgiveness ..In truth I didn’t ,as I have said I was good …but I had to toe the line ….”.yes father I have been a shocking awful sinner “…and so began  my litany of pillaging ,thievery,arson ,blasphemy and coveting….The priest was truly shocked at one so young being so evil ..but he was delighted to grant me absolution in the vain hope I would mend my ways …but no the church at that time did not like a redeemed sinner …so my visits to the confessional increased  and on two occasions I was responsible for three bank robberies ….slowly I was the church of The Three Patrons favourite sinner ….. The only twist to all this absolution and remorse was when I happened to meet my confessor in public places  he would cast a wary eye on me in full knowledge he could never tell anyone of the awful horrid heinous crimes I performed  in my brogue shoes and pudding bowl haircut …..and so on my deathbed  I will have to face St Peter  all the angels and several saints ,perhaps cassius  and explain that I was” a shocking awful sinner”,yes so inept and miserable that I had to invent every misdemeanour venal or other  and my guilt was a sham …..