Category Archives: cafe

ABRAHAM LINCOLN’S TEETH


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I had anticipated a full house search   what I hadn’t anticipated was the discovery in the back of my sock drawer was the discovery of Abraham Lincoln teeth …I agreed with the desk Sargent that an explanation was needed  I even asked him if he could speculate on their provenance and it might jog my memory …as the investigating officers catalogued the other rather mundane contraband including an several gallons of vanilla toilet duck ….my bail was conditional on me providing a believable explanation as to how I might have presidential teeth in my possession ..I remember being in Chicago in 2002 what I don’t remember is smashing the display case  wearing the teeth as dentures and half choking on the flight home as I attempted to consume the British airways risotto …no I was at a loss …and so I remain in a judicial limbo pending unreasonable certainity regarding the presidential dentures …


Mr Earnshaw and Me


image image Brrrng brrrng brrrng ….A rather  desperate voice asked me if it was me …I replied it was …”Thank goodness  my apologies Mr OCONNELL. I know you are a busy man …but following yesterday’s conversation regarding your daughter disclosing to the school assembly that you were a bank robber ..and my follow up conversation  to confirm you were …Well Miss Williams your daughter’s class teacher  called me late yesterday evening in tears  from her beginners pilates for people with weak bladder control ..she was unconsoleable …and  it turns out your daughter broke into.the schoolsafe   and removed several rather sensitive documents regarding myself and miss Williams  and a regretable event at Chapel Porth cafe last year ….so Mr OCONNELL  you must understand how unacceptable this is ?”…I waited and began “So Mr Earnshaw you are telling me that my 9 year old child was able to compromise the security of  the institution entrusted upon you by the parents and our rather  ludicrous government …might I suggest that you and miss Williams  reconsider the  where any concern might lie  in this rather embarrassing event …I look forward to meeting you both at the governor’s AGM next week ..as I said I may be a bit late as I have a heist on that afternoon good day Mr Earnshaw !!”


Pass me the Fork N Spoons


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Language we were repeatedly tolf was a beautiful  and wonderful thing it was not to be abused.there should be healthy respect until one had a full command of its opportunities …sounds could bring a tear to the most stern face …It is language that reduces a group of strangers to jelly moments of intimate lawless laughter and guffaws. ..Despite these pearls of wisdom  it was mainly visual. physical puns  that glued our familial situation .So it  was with great surprise that I found my self repeating this demand in a variety of timbre and tonality ..pass me the Fork N spoon please?…Excuse would you mind awfully passing the forkin spoons….all my life it was what words described that conjured up smiles…and now standing in Little Chef in a long cutler queue. .approaching my late mid 40s  it was the play of sounds and words that brought a broad grin if delight to by juvenile progeny and mild discomfort to the general public at large…..


A quiet cup of coffee with Erchart Tolle


  This posting is from earlier this year but has been requested since then Ercharts solicitors have settled out of court

I arrived to the The curator cafe  totnes to be greeted by indiscreet mumbling …as i sat down a particularly nervous group turned around and could be heard to suggest ..”.I think that is him !.”..being mildly asbergers and vain i thought only the best of this crowd sourced insinuation …. I smiled and was to discover later this was considered a taunt …as i slurped my blend ethiopa.costa rica. panama….ummm… a small man with a glib look joined me at the table …”No one likes a smart arse” ” that’s fine i am not here to be liked just coffee thanks ” he reached over and tugged the hair on my forearm …”ouch !” “People say you think happiness is the cause of western society’s discontentment ” “well if you read the bible particularly the book of JOB you would find that devil takes the form of an accuser on the council of angels ..pointing out humanities failings ” ” what are you saying ? ” ” you might be the devil Echart! “I had recognised his face from the his merchandise on sale in town ..” Echart for a happy man can get very cross… he was furious so much so he needed a double shot in his mini mocha … the crowd were aghast mainly because of the new expression on echarts visage …he was decidedly discontented …..” you mustnt call Erchart Tolle the devil ! Again my vainity overtook social graces and my tirade began “….he is making people so unhappy ….parents are so “mindful or should I say mindless that children go to school in flip flops and live solely on pitta bread and hommus … both he and Antony Robbins have got us so fixed on the “now ” we have forgotten the past and couldnt care about the future ….total silence …echart wass whimpering … the waiter walks over “Its best you leave now ” …not finished ” How the hell can anyone truly be mindful when your out of your heads on triple espressos four times aday …” the six psychotherapists in the corner started handing out their business cards ..” thanks maurice see you next week ” with a knowing wink


Snowfall


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You are flushed, tired and confused. I have only been gone a moment ..and although we have only just met …you continue … you tell me of being let fall from a great height , as you reveal your shoulder ….you sigh ..you have landed hard in the snow … There was just a thud nothing ..No one  .. you have dusted snow from your person  and limp back to this chair ..The chair next to me .. from my seat I can see a trail of melting snow and indeed dusting of snow across your shoulders ..  smiling I take my leave  and find my way up the hill .. Istop at the brow  …turn  I raise my arm  and  the rain starts dropping …raking torrents around my feet … leaves catch between my toes …


Protected: You will all gather at my river


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Try to resist the urge to look


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If the most tempting  things are hard to resist ….said the bus driver as he took my money …i dare you not to look…here goes  dont look at ….this …i found my eyes transfixed   ….bound ..trapped …  see i told you now go and sit down !

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