Category Archives: Adventure

We lay on the Cobbles 


​We lay on the cobbles like fleshly landed pilchards and it was was not at all that bad way to start this crisp autumnal morning ..then a fresh coffee … breeches on and off to work ..the life of the maritime and coastal villager

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In your dreams 


​It would appear that much of your subconscious is like an old abandoned catalonian town , with a few random characters seeking about …There is an elusive chap on a solex or veloped  racing around in there but we couldn’t track him down …It has a very stark lighting condition which is no cause for concern  …We reckon it’s fairly safe but stay away from the bright light …see you in two weeks time  Mr Vargas


The Thieving Magpie overture


​Well I don’t often get visitors to the farm ..and this weekend was the exception ..retired police commissioner was using some of his misappropriated funds to spend some quality time away from his family …we had kept in touch over the years …he often messaged me on bebo threatening to visit …we sat sipping chai lattes down by the Carp Pond ..as we reminisced my neighbour covered from head to toe in tin foil with three aperture s two eyeholes and an mouth piece appeared from within the arboretum …she deferred sitting for obvious reasons …she proposed we were an odd friendship …The police commissioner began to tell the tale of how at some point in the 1990’s he was called to London ‘ s Sadlers Wells  to address an incident of guerilla ballet …he described a more youthful.and less corpulent young man  in sheer black lycra   who was prancing across an already full stage …despite rapturous applause and a rather provocative interpretation of Swan Lake I had to be immobilised with a tranquiliser…..It was later that night in the interview suite that the commissioner first realised the extent of public nuisance I posed ….”In the meantime is there anything we can get you Mr OConnell ?” ….as if on queque from the shade   we harmonised “A chai latte !!! and anything by Rossini !!!!”….rolling about laughing .My neighbour  made her excuses  and just as she was out of earshot …we both bellowed “I don’t suppose you have the Thieving Magpie Overture????”   ….


An Invitation to Dine 


​Invited over to my cannibal next door neighbours …asked them what I should bring ., rather ominous message on my voucemail ” Do not  worry, just youself should be fine !”


The Slugs


​Two rather aggressive slugs in my bath house this morning …bickering over whether its importsnt that the new labour leader is affliated in some way to the doctrine of Trotsky ..I tried interrupt as I needed to rinse out the henna from my depleted head of hair ..I FELT  oh so vulnerable as they ..in their trail of slime  judged me and my vanity …I distinctly heard them whisper .. “ruddy bourgeois. ..”  might I remind you this was from a pair of cornish slugs …


Ssssh!


​So  i arrived at check in …all fine … my climbing boots stayed on and my cucumber ciabbattta was not binned …the sultry breathy voice  coaxed me on to flight EI 3843 …and although it was a final call her voice suggested so much more  … on entering  the plane  the air steward   pursed his lips  ..put his finger to them and breathed   sssssh ….I tip toed to seat  9D …. switched my phone to flight mode ….and took in the scale of the passenger manifest on this  “routine” flight to Cork  ……


The Road to Damascus


​So a weekend on real ale was beginning to allow me take stock  a moment of reflectivity ..a recently acquired voucher found me guest at a Dartmoor health retreat …I had been subjected to a regime of detox treatments which left feeling some what ” evacuated” …a sweet creature with translucent skin  enquired after my gut flora …unfamiliar with this sort of talk  I slapped her face for such impudence …It was later when she returned with two like minded brigands offering to repopulate my colon that I decided enough was enough ….St Pauls journey on the road to damascus came to mind ..in this case my epiphany came to me in the Widdecombe arms as I rejoined a delightful dark berry cider