Monthly Archives: February 2018

Welcome aboard


“Maurice we are delighted to have you on board …we thought seeing as it was your first day we would ease you in …nothing to hectic …Lionel can show you what tickling the alligators entails and boys please remember to wash your hands afterwards”…..not sure if there is such a thing as verbal dyslexia …but I was sure it was meant to be “tackling”….perhaps a Spoonerism. ..malapropism. …tickling hmmm mm. ….easing out is the issue ….where do start…big teeth ..Small teeth ..or teeth

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Ànd you are


Next ….and you are meant to be ….I had two answers ..well three ..I was meant to be Edith piaf…..or Polly Darton and last most likely not to work ….a pitiful mess looking to make a break into the world of burlesque……the stage lights. burned into my eyes the lipstick tomato ketchup and tooth paste was beginning to run and drip …remembering all I had learnt in the drama workshop with the Eugene Lambert puppet theatre in 1974….I instantly became a sniffling squirming creature …and in a otherworldly voice I began to sing the opening lines of ” Qu’as-th fait John? ” With a country and western back beat …. “you can stop there …Polly piaf….. can someone ensure he is never within 60 miles of this rehearsal space ever thank you? next ……..”


Homunculus


Well anyone walking the grounds of Kilmainham these days may or may not be aware of the “history” of the “field” in a time when confiscated cows were on display with” John Hynde”…. and requests were made to Dublin Arts Officer for a digger for a summer art project ….when yes a helicopter was contracted to capture the childrens work….the homunculus as seen being the largest child made earth work in the country at the time……..what larks ….special patrols( made up of descendents of the Liberty boys) to locate dying rabbits and the drunk crow that fell out of a tree … to offer the scale of the endeavour, tractor tracks lead upto arm of homunculus…. and yes cows and kids in the ceative space was tried out ….. from the recesses of the archive


Inconvenient convenience


“We are doing everything to fix the toilet” ….well I am not entirely sure that is true …I think you have done something However it does not appear to be everything to FIX…in fact it would seem fixing is no way oart of this contrivance. .or perhaps when you say fix it is in the sense “Well thats fixed it !”


Accessible toilets


Was refused entry to mens toilets in Sainsbury superstore this morning because of my uncanny resemblance to a deceased member of the Swedish Royal family … I was lost for words… asked customer service for more information …apparent ly their data protection policy would not allow them disclose the actual member in question … So I raced over to my local library and this was the closest I could find …


Treacle


Appeal has been approved for compensation by the Kangaroo court ,for ….between the years 1989 and 1997 three sovereign states colluded in the drip feeding of the plaintiff (myself) dark treacle via my nasal cavity without my permission resulting in dark oleaginous stools causing undue stress and denying the plantiff of individual personal freedoms as described in Maslows Hierarchy of needs


ROXANNE


Roxanne you don’t have to ..seriously Roxanne it’s driving me mad Roxanne ..and I bought you an energy saving light bulb Roxanne please put out that red light and as for that dress forget it not tonite ..Roxanne !!!!!!!.I ask you you ROXANNE