Have you ever had an emissions test before mr o’donnell…oconnell!!!!…excuse me ?…its oconnell ….i dont tbink so its an emissions rebreather …. i am an oconnell ….i am glad to hear that martin ….. inside the rebreather my eyes started to water…..” just five minutes more” was blurted down an exposed ear hoke …. i was finding it hard to breathe now ….apparently all uk residents needed to be tested for carbon monoxide emissions as part of a new government drive for a better green credentials ….fracking could be offset …if they could lower bad breathe output in rural communities ……. a voice bellowed .”..thats all martin ..you are 2% above government tolerance so we will send you a filter in the post ! …please sign here !”…..
Monthly Archives: July 2017
At this weeks..courgette co-op …we all had to introduce ourselves … i had to bite my fist with excitment when rolly said he was a survivalist ….i quietly said i was there to help raise funds for new equipment …when what i really wanted to say was ” There is going to be a Zombie Apocalypse any day now and i was trying to source food supplies”….
Sitting in the parlour the forensic team were sifting through the photographs on the mantlepiece . I reached over and relieved the inspector of one particular photograph . All eyes watched intently I smiled and looked as if I was attempting to remember the moments which the image had frozen in time. “Melanoma ” who worked in the local telephone exchange and myself had extended our vacances for an extra week in Monte Carlo’s “Excelsior ” and each night I insisted we danced ..The night in question she had falken in a narcoleptic state . I proud and of anglo irish stock full of hubris dragged her around the dance for another two hours before making our exvuses and retiring ..what the image had not captured wad me slinging mel on shoulder snd struggling to the lift .
So it was early evening at the idyll …dragon flies scooting on the waters edge …in a great tarkovsky moment sylvie and myself sunning ourselves in the remains of a disused building …a huge screech as a steam engine grinds to a halt 10ft away ..we whoosh down to cornwall …dash into the sea for the remains of the day …..on my way back to devon clouds gathering with Wagner roaring out of the car doors …the ring cycle at the proms …voltan !!! bring it on
It was only a matter of time …I just unfriended myself on facebook It naively has suggested I might like to make friends with the other me’s that I havent liked yet or blocked but share mutual friends , hilariously I can still read my posts and edit. so much for the security settings …we are still a long way off on this projected identity stuff where is HAL when you need him ….
BRIEF ENCOUNTER …a gaudy neon sign just off shaftesbury avenue announced the “Discreet dating service for people already in relationships “….the brochure promised total anonymity for those who wanted to have honest and meaningful relationships without their partners finding out ..I had been a member for several months when Taylor of ..member liaison , asked me in …apparently several members complained; using words such “deceit and betrayed” ..Taylors prominent teeth and hair scrunch made it difficult to concentrate ..basically my dates had discovered I was not actually cheating on any one and felt I was not being honest by being honest ? The moral high ground was being fracked … anyway the long and the short of it was unless I found a girlfriend (fruit didnt count I was not allowed have an affair) , membership would be cancelled and they would publically reveal my deceits. ..