If youbreak your leg ?

If you break your leg dont come running to me !!!!   i have recieved  a few enquiries  from my main office for clarification of my  hypercondria  …Mother  was usually at her wits end  because despite  having read about the fragility of life in article  on the” benefits of smoking”  in a copy of reader digest  in Uncle Franks waiting room  ..in summary  some families are blessed   so when my mother said you were always sick  what she meant was there was nothing that really could do us any harm ..asking to leave the dinner table to rush upstairs  jump out the bedroom window and whoosh past your family having dinner …then return to the table limping through a different door you had left  ….my parents  despite my protest to the contrary  knew in truth  we would all live to a ripe …age  even when myself and my brother ran away from home  with a bar of bournville to live on we found our way home aged three and four  unscathedx..father laconically issued warnings knowing full well we would ignore them …so when i beamed a green smile to my parents declaring i had drank a substantial  amount of the stagnant waterbarrel ..they both smiled proudly …later when i started hallucinating  that evening  and for two months subsequently  they knew that destiny had other plans for me ..so no need to worry …aged 11 i jumped a ditch  smashing several  bones and tearing several ligaments …the rugby coach  was in on  this ” he is alright ” and i eventually got  myself lift to A &E  with my purple bloated  foot … as young adults   my parents smiled out the sitting roon windows at their sons  who in midsummer had plastic bags on their heads  being chased by a swarm of wasps which they had wilfully disturbed .to see would could sustain the most stings..so in summary both my parents  argue what were they to do ?  …despite getting mumbs. measels. chicken pox glandular fever . Scarlet fever .rhuematic fever. Ring worm .. stigmata (only joking)  even  faced with temporary paralysis   they knew medical intervention, worry , even  general care  was not necessary …we as my father said  were  not like candide  from the classics  …my father  admitted  on three occasions after reading us hansel and gretel  he drove us all up the mountains  …decanted us all  saying  you can make your own way home  …himself and mother later that day dreaded the eventually excited chatter of six overly energetic children who not only managed the 17 mile walk home but  asked to do it again …so mother declares even if she did try to poision us with friars balsam  it wouldnt work  we were indestructible brats  her words not mine  ….and now in her 70s she  regrets giving us codliver oil and malt extract by the spoonful . She herself bored with her own lack of mortality tells  “the doctor said it would kill me if i stopped smoking    and might i remind you my smoking is what ensured none of you are 7 ft tall  my smoking through out all my pregancies ensured that not one of you turned out to be   abhorations of nature …she is right  we all remember fondly nestly on her lap with the sweet smell pipe tobacco  enveloping our  skin and of course soothing  our infantile lungs and olafactory organs . We are all an average of 6ft 2  and yes it is a cautionary warning  our ruddy health  might reached Aryian proportions if my parents had not been so laisse faire with our  “Sante”


About mauricewoconnell

Maurice OConnell is a Creative based in Cornwall concentrating on Writing and Unique theatrical appearances.. He continues to imagine a world twice as exciting and dangerous than it could possibly ever be View all posts by mauricewoconnell

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