The Builder`s Bum Mum 

WHAT SHALL WE DO WITH THE BUILDERS BUMS MUM……We lived a life free from the burden of self reflection or public opinion parents believed d that no matter how horrible our thoughts and actions were , that on judgment day there would be plenty ahead of us  more deserving of purgatory ….and it was  just so  when my younger sister drained our ornamental lake trying to retrieve her teddy bears from the previous evening’s soft toy catapulting  , that she was heard  request of mater the following  “What shall we do with the builders bums mum ?”….moments later the entire family stood on the edge of the lake blinking gasping for air …newts wriggling about and,  glistening in the early afternoon  light there appeared to be several well formed buttocks peeping out of the mud . My parents frequently commissioned tradesmen to execute various tasks about our pile . My parents income necessitated an amount of wile  when settling accounts …and so when each arrived to my parents parlour requesting payment for the aforementioned tasks , mother and father would lower their glasses of absinthe . Mother would root about in her hand bag  while father took a swipe across the back of their crown with a croquet mallet ..father would shout for  the wheel barrow  and we would trundle the unfortunate to the edge of the lake ..plop slop plib plib  and they would be gone ….it was hoped that our pet alligator would do the rest …At this point ( I will remind readers that it was I who claimed to have brought one home ) noone had ever seen it and now the buttocked lake floor confirmed its non existence …mother  closed the sluice gate  ..opened tbe faucet …declaring supper is in half an hour …


About mauricewoconnell

Maurice OConnell is a Creative based in Cornwall concentrating on Writing and Unique theatrical appearances.. He continues to imagine a world twice as exciting and dangerous than it could possibly ever be View all posts by mauricewoconnell

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