That foul mouthed fridge

​That Foul Mouthed Fridge ….unlike the television it was considered the less selfish of our household appliances. .. Well mostly …as we drifted from childhood into delayed adulthood we found ourselves in the company of a very self centred kelvinator.  My parents new home …we had begun to outgrow our residency ..This home was nearly warm at night ..The multitude of toilets were broken more or less immediately …but this home had begun to offer adult rewards to my parents …we even had a macerator ..which was too dangerous to use …meals by now turned into full scale baiting matches which reduced all food to projectiles as with all decline of all empires ,lawlessness was rife as our patriarch lost focus… The fridge had joined in and added a extra dimension to this social entropy …The low hum of the motor creeped into our mealtimes ,it began its journey up the octaves spitting machined based vitriol…til with reduced numbers we resigned ourselves to silence . The fridge bellowed mechanical obscenities upon obscenity….. …parents in the late 1980’s were not consumers ..so the fridge was like a pet …It was for life …During last days as a resident of” Raratonga” (the suburban irish could make the most mundane residence exotic  with a name) .  just as dinner was approaching…mother in a tired voice rasped “Dinners nearly ready!  Maurice can you put the fridge out”….my long simian arms meant in one grip I would extract the fridge with all its contents  , carry it to the utility room  where it would remain until supper was finished…The fridge finally was replaced when after three weeks it had failed to utter any obscenity other than the foul belch of the fetid air from its interior resulting from its cardiac arrest in the preceding  week . Cutting sardonic wit of our fridge was no more  … these days  I visit  my parents on occasion ..and still I am wary of becoming a target of some A rated appliance’s sarcasm …

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About mauricewoconnell

Maurice OConnell is a Creative based in Cornwall concentrating on Writing and Unique theatrical appearances.. He continues to imagine a world twice as exciting and dangerous than it could possibly ever be View all posts by mauricewoconnell

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