Monthly Archives: October 2016

The Sieve 


​The sieve maurice ?..the sieve ?..It was hanging up there yesterday? …any thoughts maurice ?…..sorry can’t stop, off to my  (in a very very quiet voice ) fencing class bye bye bye…


CHILDREN BLESS


​I have often found myself in a room.of stunned listeners .This of course can be for a range of reasons but the topic of brutal aggressive infants who terrorised their immediate and surrounding communities has often been a topic that challenges some shared notion of childhood …these conversations start with me listening to an account of local children blah blah  and how its the parents ..usually I clear my voice and suggest WHAT IF ITS NOT THE PARENTS. ….OH DONT BE SILLY MAURICE  I stand in the blinking light and reveal  the rage of infantile havoc that is possible from the most respectable of families …I see spittle appear on the edge of my friends mouths as if experiencing a seizure,who are doting parents  and  then I deal the final qualifying blow ..FOR I WAS THAT CHILD ..A FOUR YR OLD THAT MADE THAT FARMERS CRY …AS A  5 YR OLD REPORTED BOTH MY PARENTS TO SOCIAL SERVICES FOR NEGLECT AND  AS A 6 YR OLD


 POOED IN MY NEIGHBOURS CARP POND …..as I said  only sometimes is there silence ….


Windows


​Our  peternatural relations  with windows has never been a concern of government research  and private foundations have steered clear of such esoteric research …the conceit it affords is still much misunderstood …even as I write this seated on a settle in the pullman lounge on the recently refurbished Orient Express I am afforded an unusual ..privilege ..I press my nose against the window  til my cheeks feels the cool of glass ..moisture from my exposed lip smears the pane …and yet I am as I said afforded the privilege of entitlement to gawp at a couple on the platform in an intimate embrace  without shame or discomfort …as I have said earlier windows need looking into  or out of ..you.know what I mean !!


The Octopus and the Accordion 


​So  my nearly 9 yr old  asked what expect  on her imminent visit to see her cousins  as we know  this is a tough age for both parent and child … she passed  me a wine gum  as i listed   the various activities  … in a jaded  voice she asked   if that was all … i said  sure of course  not  ….as it is ireland  and the wild west  i am very confidant  there might be an octopus playing an accordian in the pub if we are lucky …. her face  said most of it …then she said “Really !”    To which i replied “there was last time  !”


Wolves in Ireland 


​Daddy  are their wolves in ireland ?… the rain slidelike spittle  across the car windscreen and with a fresh wine gum in my mouth  .. i turned down the radio   … glanced  at my now less world weary offspring …. ” last time i was there  i didnt  manage to get glimpse of one wolf … but it was a very short visit ”    the journey was nearing its end  and i suggested   that it would be best not to worry mummy about  the possibility of octopus and wolves  on our forthcoming  trip  and if she could  focus on the less interesting  aspects of the adventure … as she left the car  she ran with a greater sense of purpose  to the house … as we sat and i drank my tea …her eyes  feverishly directed  me to the accordion  resting against the bookshelf ….


My other Brother


​My mobile vibrates … hello sweet … a very distressed  child implores  me … “mummy says  you ate your twin brother  norris  as a child ….”  everything rested on my reply  this had been a sticky point in our arrangement to coparent …. I took a deep breath  ” Is  that what she said ?”  In background i could  nearly hear the grin of her mother ..”  In  a calm voice  I said “would you mind awfully if I had eaten  my brother NORRIS as a child ?….” But Daddy ”  she was not entirely sure as she was about leave for a friends birthday  and clearly did not want this burden  during the celebration .. “Was he nice daddy?”

  ” He was delicious  ..monkey enjoy the party ”  ……


State of Mindlessness


​Living as I do in a state of mindless bliss …all powder blue and not a care in the world I can often forget about the unforgiving nature of nature …my idyll my self induced utopia bit back hard this morning …rising and walking to my shower shed I learnt the true malevolence of the afirementioned  ..during the .right a herd of slugs had overturned my car  slathering it in their deviant slime ….