Its not all Tinsel and Toenail Clippings

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Out of the mouth of babe’s … my daughters contribution to her class discussion regarding the week leading up to Christmas … her teacher pulled her aside as class finished …”What did you mean by It’s not all Tinsel and toenails” … ask daddy it’s what he always says about Christmas!…. I received a call from the head teacher suggest being irish and given the tinsel etc etc… could I share with the teacher something of the unique nature of an Irish Christmas ….  my vanity decided the answer for me … so during teacher training I sat in front of eager teachers with paper and pens …. Well as a child in the lead up to Christmas my mother would unwrap early gifts to the family so she could re give them to visitors …then a manic drive into Smith field market to buy a turkey literally from the boot of a car …Christmas I forget .. It was a industrious time in the house …A  fragile hand glistening from over use of hand wipes drew it’s attention to me …” Your father where is he at this point ? … FATHER nine days before Christmas eve is not to be found …His study or reflectory is off limits  and no one  but no one is allowed  disturb him … knowing smiles beam around the room reassured by the communal misguided thought regarding fathers preparations….. I continue after sipping a rather insipid mark n spencers frappacino… my father has spent an entire year growing his toenails and in this week he carefully removes his talons ..  and with an assortment of lacquers and enamel paints  he translates hans holbien  paintings onto his pairings ..when he is ready he emerges with a tray and festoons the tree with his advent tableaux. ..usually it’s is the eve of Christmas …and with that moment we would all begin singing silent night …father in total.rapture and mother at her wits end and her tone deaf children screening holeey niggggght. …and nd that is where the phrase “It’s not all Tinsel and Toenails” comes from ……I look around the room the pens have run aground  and I can see lesson plans being scrunched and dropped to the floor ….i am seated and in flip flops ….no one in the room dares to look towards my feet …..

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About mauricewoconnell

Maurice OConnell is a Creative based in Cornwall concentrating on Writing and Unique theatrical appearances.. He continues to imagine a world twice as exciting and dangerous than it could possibly ever be View all posts by mauricewoconnell

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